i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
does doing it on an automatic sink count as shower sex?
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
Randomize
