hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
Checked my photo vault today... My self nudie folder is passing the 150 mark.
The weird thing is that you don't send them to anyone. You just keep them for yourself...
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
I've been eaten out in coupes, sedans, trucks, suv's, you name it. If I can do it in a smart car, you can do it in a vw beetle.
I knew you were the expert on doing it in public. You need to get paid for your advise
Randomize
