Yo dont text me then not text me
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
while you laid on the ground I poured water into your mouth out of dog bowl some random guy walks by and said now that's what I like to see.
grandma made pot brownies .. oh god bless us everyone
anyone can pick a bar fight and pick up a waitress at a bar, not everyone hangout with two wolves. TWO WOLVES.
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
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