you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
The best thing about my promotion is that I now have an office with a door. I can take my naps in peace instead of leaning my head against the stall in the bathroom.
I can't believe they pay you six figures. I hate you.
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
I realized after pounding back 151 and head banging into each other to "the drop" of that dub step song, that we weren't meant to have boyfriends at this point in time.
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
Randomize
