i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
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