How bad was it?
You ran around telling everyone that you were going to click them to death on google earth
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
The lid of our salsa is promoting a contest that ended in July '09
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
KINGS DON'T NEED ADVICE FROM LITTLE HORN-BILLS FOR A START
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
Randomize
