oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
Randomize
