Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
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