so the car was packed with everything from my dorm, plus my mom. during the 6 hour trip home she found my kama sutra. started flippin through it.....
oh shit that had to have been awkward
i thought so too. until she asked what the check marks were for
It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
Um, It's tempting but I'm not into coke or farmers.
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
Randomize
