Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
Ryan Reynolds porn could be a WMD. Have a giant TV on the front of your tank, and just drive around playing it. Everyone dies of orgasm overload.
That's it. Iraq is done. Everyone dies, game over man.
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
I think I'm too tall to 69 successfully.
I think I might cry.
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
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