I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
he asked me if i would dance for him to make it easier for him to jack off. does that answer your question.
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
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