he was going down on me when he saw the warts...nevertheless he told me he had to pick his sister up from school. why does this keep happening to me???
I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
I could get a dump truck for 1000. Think of the possibilities.
It is scary how often "just flash him" is your advice.
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
Randomize
