What happened to our ballroom dancing plans
trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
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