I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
So much to do, haven't done anything except hook up with sailors and work on my tan.
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
Where are you guys?
Drunk
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
Randomize
