I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
I saw your arrest video on youtube. you look so thin!
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
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