The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
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