Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
Its like people have to train for months before they try and drink with us and survive...
Randomize