This is not my ceiling
Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
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