I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
This is Ryan, Kristin's husband. I don't know if you meant to send that pic to me at 3am. You may want to call Kristin. Neat piercing though.
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
Randomize
