Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
Idk, it's Grover wearing a sombrero. Do I need a reason?
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
You sternly pointed at him and declared that you would ride his cock until the early dawn.
Then, you ate a turkey sub, went into his room
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
Randomize
