I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
the pool opens at 11. by 1115 the ambulance had been called.
The sun is out and the snow is finally starting to melt here... Vodka bottles keep popping up everywhere. Guess it's the college version of burying nuts for the winter
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
Randomize
