...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
I am available for nakedness
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
Randomize