How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
As he put it in he shouted "geronimo!"
Wow... So was the sex good?
Yeah but it doesn't matter. My vagina is not a pool.
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
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