well you can't waste a boner
Nope, didn't see her. We left when you told us you were going to make the " big beef burrito supreme" even more supreme and you took your dick out.
Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
He said he's in to distance fucking. I thought he just mean long durations. We fucked on a towel all the way down his tile hallway accross his kitchen and into the living room
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
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