She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
It could happen. I haven't creeped the rest of the guest list yet.
Just creeped. Everyone is a passable 7. Orgy is a go!
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
Please come to class. I miss you and I have a horse mask
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
How many weight watcher activity points do you think sex is worth?
Randomize
