Remember that sex scene from American Psycho?
Ya, why?
We should try that some time.
Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
two of my INSANE ex girlfriends just texted me saying their coming over because im home alone. needless to say, im deleting my twitter.
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
we made out inside of a kiddie slide for about 20 mins. it was the sexiest, most suffocating experience I've ever had
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
Randomize