Google if cops ever smoke weeds and then bust them. I need to know immidiately.
Joe is yelling at the trees again.
i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
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