i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
Inquiring minds want to know if your Bf is circumcised
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
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