You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
is it bad that the economy has gotten so bad that finding cheap gas gives me the same excitement and joy as finding a hot, blonde haired, blue eyed, tall, athletic single straight guy?
:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
so third time im replacing the batteries on my vibrator in 2 months #sosingle....on another note though, black beauty is raring to go
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
Randomize
