i'm stoned. there's a jazz trio playing outside across the street...scared that mike myers will appear & start yelling 'woman...WHOA MAN. WHOOOA MAN.' i'm snapping my fingers.
i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
She bruised my penis again. But, trooper I am we kept on going.
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
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