he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
yo dibs on the gosselin haired one.
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
Randomize
