you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
And that's when I found out that Patrick wasn't in fact down with O.P.P.
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
He put those pics of him with those girls on facebook and tagged his wife in them
Tequila 1 marriage 0
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
I want to fling myself into the sun
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
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