your room smells of hookers.
And success
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
Post a pic on facebook and see if those same 46 girls find shitting in the bed handsome and adorable
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
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