The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
Your cock deserves a montage
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
I'd just like to inform you. That when I was at bvj the first day I was blackout drunk by noon. Get on past Chelsea's level like now. Do it for present Chelsea
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
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