I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
omg theres cum all over the american flag and now its up in front of his house.
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
See I just want a dick that I don`t have to deal with or talk to unless it is inside me. Is that so much to ask for?
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