I told him I'd give him a BJ if he admited Hanson was good.
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
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