Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
this must be what syphilis tastes like
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
OH MY GOD REMEMBER ALL THAT I LOVE NEW YORK I DVRED BECAUSE I JUST DID
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
Randomize
