Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
What are you talking about?! I shot gunned a monster while simaltaneously blowing gym boy Todd. If I'm not the poster child for being well rounded and versatile I have no idea what NYU is looking for
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
He's got a big dick, a steady job and tells me I'm pretty. There is litterally nothing else I look for I a guy.
Randomize
