Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
he somehow instantly knew i was from vermont.
it probably had something to do with chasing your soco with maply syrup.
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
Randomize
