Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
Rub youre cunt and tell me you love me.
Your incorrect use of you're doesn't arouse me in the slightest.
At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
We're playing fucking games. GAMES. THIS IS BULL SHIT. IM GOING TO THROW UP ON THE BABIES AND LEAVE.
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well.
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
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