I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
He uses pillows to masturbate.
My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
Things he has managed to cum on so far on spring break: my bikini, my back-up bikini, three of my four bras, two pairs of panties, four beds, six chairs, the floor of several hotel rooms, the window/door to the balcony from both sides, my tits, my face, my stomach, his stomach, my ass, his best friend's girlfriend's face, and his best friend's dick.
Just FYI spring break is over and you're supposed to be back in class but hey sounds like you had your orgy so congrats.
Randomize
