I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
I am not even close to finishing violently masturbating over that video.
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
I'm scared because his knowledge of star trek is turning me on
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
He just looks like he'd be good in bed. He looks like he has a lot of anger built up in him and all I'm saying is that if he took out on my vagina I'm cool with that
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
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