If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
i don't think it's normal to still be missing spring break.
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
I don't think blacking out in class is a good idea. But I'm game
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
Yeah.. he went to Tebow in the middle of the crosswalk and got hit by a cab... The yellow ones really don't stop
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
Randomize
