ur plase or mine? lol
well if you don't learn how to spell, you may be at your place and I'll be at mine.
I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
Randomize
