she uses ice cubes and hums anything I want. Last night was Welcome to the jungle. it wasnt lost on me shes a puma. no shame in that 30+ game.
Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
stephanie tanner's voice is so fucking annoying. no wonder she resorted to crystal meth.
I made out with Jen. We were naked. I'm still gay. Forever
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
It's cool dude. The dank is in the form of premade smores with honey grahm crackers, marshmallow cream and 420 brand choc. bars. NV weed laws have nothing on me.
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
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