I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
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