Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
it's like iHOP with fire
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
I'M NOT READY TO BE AB ADULT YET!!!
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
I don't think this guy is worth it unless he's a skilled sexual amigo
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
Randomize
