I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
I really wanna talk..
if by talk you mean have nasty makeup sex involving marshmellow fluff.. I'm down
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
Randomize