"what do u think of parents raising kids to be peeping toms" said guy on bus 2 me
I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
That guy is like a clown car of sexy. Just when I think I've seen it all, THERE'S MORE.
AND SOME IN THE TRUNK.
So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
My little sister just helped me edit my nudes so that's how my night is going
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
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