I just got back to Nicks and I shoul dnot have drank this much when I have to work at 7AM!!!!!
i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
Randomize
