What did I say to him last night?
Something along the lines of "your not here, I'm going to fuck sam. call me later babe, this won't take long, love you"
all in all not a bad night
Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
only you would photoshop your dick
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
His car is carseat is compatible. I checked while we were banging in the back seat...
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
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