butt plug
anus plug
rubbish cock?
yes
you suck at this game today
My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
I just want school to he over so we can build a big tent, do drugs inside it, and watch cartoons until the sun comes up.
That's all I've ever wanted.
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
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