Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
I am highly attracted to the men and that's all i can say. I do not clap and make noises but i do turn to the side and say how i'd do incredible things to them if given the chance
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
I have yet found the courage to put pants on. No judgement thursday led to no shower friday and now no pants saturday. God i miss college.
So idk if it's because I'm working out again or the coke, but I hit my target weight today. Whaaaat uuuup. Come and get me thanksgiving.
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
Randomize
