So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
Randomize
