He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
Got into Princeton. So excited about the mommy-issue-over-achieving-cock I get to ride the next 4 years!!!
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
Sorry about the confusion with the nudes last night that was rude
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
Randomize
