Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
You say "I'm in class" like it matters... I'm getting a little tired of having to smoke by myself at 4:20 because you're in class.
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
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