FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
We talked him into tasing himself.
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
Also his beard was very delicious looking. I wanted to touch it so bad, but I held back.
Dont really know what happened near the end, Pockets were filled with skittles though
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
i made out with his shirt. MDMA, man.
I HAVE A STRAIGHT LINE ACROSS MY ASS ABOUT THE WIDTH OF A SLIM JIM. ERICA!
Randomize
