I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
Randomize
