If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
i just googled coccaine effects on sexual performance..maybe im dating the wrong guy
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
Im part way to drunk.
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
Randomize