i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
just had an encounter with drunk people from out of state at dairy queen. they wanted to stay till march to see the high school play.
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
I cant believe they held hands while getting simultaneous bjs
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
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