why am i having a flashback about somewhere we were this weekend with music videos playing? Spike jonze brothers place?? Help me out
I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
Just calculated that for my last final tomorrow I need 120% to improve my grade and 53% to keep it..buying 30 packs now, go get dressed
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
Randomize
