Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
Thats not what we're looking for. I want this kid to suck a lolly pop out of a stripper's snatch.
2012 needs to end already. I've exceeded my quota for People Who Have Accidentally Seen My Tits.
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
i want to shrink myself down to penis size, climb inside of her pussy and just live there for a few months.
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
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