so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
This is the first time since last march I'm gonna be going to a class for more reasons than wanting to bone the girl sitting next to me.
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
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