According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
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