I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
Randomize
