I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
the last thing i remember is fucking her. GAME CHANGER i woke up in another bedroom to her younger sister blowing me
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
Randomize
