she was so not down for the gang bang
Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
BTW my friend remembers her as "the one with the pronounced chin"
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
Randomize
