Swine flu is the new snow day.
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
Randomize
