she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?
He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
send nudes
from the living room?
Randomize
