Dude I'm telling you, conditioner is the best for jerking it in the shower. It feels great and afterwards everything is all smooth
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
In other news, I just burned my penis
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
Is is gay if I donloaded Grinder to see if my roommate is gay?
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
That confirms what we've all known all along. I'm a bad gay. I have no fashion sense.
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