i can't believe i never thought of this: farticle man
why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
I have fence marks all over my body
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
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