Girls gone wild is like the hills, except sexy and it doesnt suck
this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
Randomize
