Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
Could guys at least pretend I require some amount of money to be spent before I randomly go down on them?
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.
You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
Rosemary is literally sitting on the ground holding on to the rug because she thinks she is going to fall if she lets go. We smoked way too much.
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
I am not even ashamed to say it, I got laid in the stairwell of the hotel, by a 29 year old. It was awesome!
Any luck with the purse?
No, though I did find her weed. Also her sons name is King. I'm uncertain how I feel about that
Randomize
