Do you think the new Crest Whitestrips Advance Seal would stay on while I give him head? It would be great to knock out 2 things at once...
come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
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