He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
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