I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
Agreed. And i highly doubt it could be awkward. You do remember our introduction was a direct result of you mentioning your affinity for my genitals, right?
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
Ya apperently its not "appropriate" to fuck in the school auditorium
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
Randomize
