I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
Come outside. The vendor wants to go out strong tonight! Russian hooker interviews. Don't ask. We leave in 3 minutes.
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
There is an alarming amount of urine in here.
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
Randomize
