What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
And he showed us your test. You wrote what is this shit and scribbled on it? Nice 3%..
she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
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