I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
I'm hosting my annual valentine's day party tomorrow with every hookup I've ever had. thoughts on how it will turn out ??
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
Randomize
